Reflection on 2016

Shot on film in 2016.

2016 was terrible socially and politically. A year full of public loss, regressions, bigotry, idiocy, mendacity, complicity and contempt. It's easy to despair, both at the recent past and the possible future. Looking back, though, I feel it is important to acknowledge the good among the bad, the personal in the political, the community around you, the inspirations, the epiphanies, the creativity and those things done that made a difference. For me, a lot did make a difference.

Withdrew from a PhD: At the end of this year I withdrew from my PhD. From the beginning I have struggled with the pettiness and solipsism of academic culture but I have always loved reading, writing, researching and learning. This love carried me through for four years and I believed in the research I was doing. However, my work, philosophically at least, was based on a belief that humanity can be better than it is. I'm not sure if I believe that anymore. So, I withdrew, at least until I can find some meaning in the work. Otherwise what is the point?

Became a Researcher: Before stepping away from the PhD I took on a full-time research position advocating for LGBTQ seniors. This has been one of best decisions I've made. I'm employed to do good in the world, to help people and hopefully make a difference. The project I'm working on is also dependent on my skills as a writer and researcher, so I feel acknowledged, capable and full of potential, not just for myself but also for the contribution I can make. 

Started a Photography Group: A good friend of mine and I started a photography group called Analogue Arseholes (because we shoot with film in a digital age). Before long the group expanded to 18 members. We now have regular "AA" meetings. We share our pictures, set each other photography challenges, and have all been collectively inspired by the old magic of shooting with film. The lost art of analogue photography, the enthusiasm of the AA members and the work we produce and share has been a revelation.


Had an Art Exhibition: Didactic Panels was an exhibition of short stories and art pieces. The stories were mounted to look like didactic panels typically found in art galleries, but functioned in the role usually reserved for visual art, as the exhibition focus. In oppositional contrast the associated art was peripheral and contributory, like the informational plaques (didactic panels) found next to a painting or a photograph. Seeing the exhibition develop materially, from an idea into a real thing in the world, before my eyes was incredibly satisfying. As was watching people in the gallery stop and consider the stories in front of them.

Assisted a Film Class: One of the requirements of doing a PhD is being a Teaching Assistant in associated programs. This year I turned down my usual role at my program's university, took a chance, and looked for something different to do as I contemplated withdrawing from the PhD. At the same time I was offered an assistantship in a film class at another university. This change has also been incredibly gratifying, if only for the reason the class is directly associated with art.

So, in the midst of all the terribleness happening in the world I managed to find some meaning. I hope you did too. 

Christian